The long road trip that God used to change my life and save my marriage. 

My husband and I were driving from Ohio to Florida in December of 2024 and the Holy Spirit prompted my husband to bring up a topic that we rarely discussed.  An issue we had and always avoided.  An issue that I had always put on the back burner because of pain, shame, embarrassment and fear.  He asked if I could search for a podcast for us to listen to, a podcast about Vaginismus.  

My husband and I had a whirlwind romance – right out of fairy tale.  We met in college and shortly after knew we would be married.  We had our whole lives ahead of us and were so excited to serve the Lord in whatever or wherever He called.  But a bit of reality hit us on our honeymoon.  After both saving ourselves for each other, no matter how my husband and I tried we were unable to consummate our marriage.  We figured this was something we just had to figure out and enjoyed our time together as newlyweds as best as we could. Unfortunately, what followed was a diagnosis of vaginismus and years of pain, misunderstanding, bitterness, confusion and failure.  All medical advice given did not help and I was too embarrassed to open up to anyone in my close circle of friends – which after being in ministry for years were few and far between.  All physical therapy would be successful in the office, but nothing could help us in the bedroom.  All videos and books I could find and purchase on the topic never translated to healing.  Years of crying out to God for answers.  I could not understand why my body did not work like other women’s bodies.  As people started asking when we would have children I started to sink into shame and avoidance.  I was so afraid, broken-hearted and paralyzed by the topic.  My husband was hurt and defeated.  After years of failure, my husband and I believed that intercourse would not be a part of our marriage.  That it was an impossibility for us. We threw ourselves into ministry serving everyone as best as we could while having this secret shame.  We learned how to have sincere joy for others as they grew their families, while dealing inwardly with our own disappointment.  And we were not dealing with it well.  This pain led to other problems and addictions which we are not proud of.  Instead of dealing with Vaginismus, I avoided it and poured my life into ministry and put a wall around my heart. It can be so easy to use ministry as an excuse to avoid personal issues.  But they do not disappear.

So 22 years into our marriage, as we were driving to Florida my husband brings up the most painful part of our lives – vaginismus.  I reluctantly did a search and the first podcast I found was an interview featuring Jess Seitz of Pain-Free Intimacy.  As she spoke my mouth dropped open and tears began to well up.  It was if she was telling my story.  Expressing my pain, frustration and fear. But more importantly she shared how she overcame years of struggle.  Before my husband and I even discussed what we were hearing, I was on the website signing up for a consultation.  I can’t explain the hope I was actually allowing my heart to feel after so many years.

After prayer, my husband and I signed up the Mind-Body-Sex Reset Vaginismus Program. A program that is holistic and unique – it meets the physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual issues associated with Vaginismus. Jess is a Christian sister, occupational therapist and has experience serving in ministry.  I know the Lord led us to her and this program for our complete healing.  This was not an easy journey – I had to evaluate a lot of lies I had been telling myself and confront some painful parts of my past. I repented and began to replace these thoughts with God’s Truth about me and how He made me.  I had to make the steps of this program my daily priority and be vulnerable with my husband as he walked with me through it. But with Jess’s support and God’s grace my husband and I have been able to be healed from vaginismus!  I still can’t believe that as I type this. The prison we had lived in for so long is now gone!  Shame had a hold on me, but now my husband and I are confident that the Lord will use our testimony of victory in this area to help others break free as well.  That’s how our redeeming God works – He takes the dead things and brings them to life!   

Statistics show that 1 in 5 women in the church deal with some form of vaginismus, either where sex is painful or sex seems impossible.  Maybe you are relating to my story like I did with Jess’s, or maybe the Lord will bring someone into your life that shares their own personal struggle with intimacy.  I want to encourage you that it does not have to be this way!  Visit painfreeintimacy.com for more information or even a free consultation. I promise you will be listened to and understood. There is a solution and there is hope.

Andrea